Goals for 2023

I saw a post earlier this year, that stated 2021 was the year of hard experiences, 2022 was the year of growth, and 2023 will be the year of healing. For me, that is incredibly true and after experiencing the first month and a half, I’m so excited to see what 2023 has in store. I am in my healing phase. Healing from past awful experiences within work environments, finding myself again, experiencing the joy that life brings – I feel all the happiness and I’m scooping it alllllll up because it has been a hot, hot minute since I felt this consistently.

With that being said, I have some goals that I want to accomplish this year:

i want.

i want to wake up next to you after a fun night out, the kind where I almost didn’t take my makeup off but you reminded me to. i want to roll around for thirty minutes before we make a slow Sunday breakfast for the two of us in our kitchen to music. i want to dance with you while the eggs crackle in the pan and the hashbrowns burn on the underside. i want to laugh when the smoke alarm goes off and we have to open all the windows and throw away half the breakfast.

i want dinners after work and time well spent talking about our day, our plans, our future. i want to come home to your eyes every night and smile so big i feel like tackling you when you walk through the door. i want the new love kind of feel, every day, for the rest of eternity. i want to cuddle, laugh, and have deep conversations.

i want to wake up and go on hikes with you, get coffee with you, get ready with you. pick out the outfits for the day, the ones that will end up on polaroids that we save for the years to come. drive to the beach, take in the salt air. i want to eat fish and chips next to you with the oil dripping down our hands as we overlook the dock.

i just envision this life for myself. and i need to know if you’re there with me.

i deserve happiness.

what do i deserve?

i deserve happiness. unconditional love. i deserve to feel the pain in my cheeks from smiling so much. a voice long gone from days turning into night spent talking to those i love. i deserve respect and to be treated kindly. spoken kind words to, and likewise put out kind words to those i care about. i deserve late night snacks in bed mixed with dancing in the kitchen with the morning light shining the next day. listening to the record player while laying on the couch on a sunday. the beauty that is going to the farmers market when they open, with someone holding my hand to cherish all the fresh produce knowing fully well that i am only going for the iced matcha latte from the cute coffee shop. i deserve kisses in the street in all kinds of weather. stopping mid-walk to hold my hand and softly kissing my hand. warm blankets within the tent we set up hidden under the forest canopy in the middle of april. someone who will blissfully and wholeheartedly admire the beautiful light that i amplify. random hugs. remembering the little things. thoughtfulness from strangers. i deserve to know my worth, my love, my self. someone who can admire every random thought, every jumbled sentence when i get excited, and frequently mispronunciation of words. i deserve to love my body, appreciate what it’s given me, and admire all that it will continue to do. treat it with respect by fueling it and giving it proper hydration. i deserve a love. someone to laugh with me. love me for me. every freckle, stretch mark, every god. damn. piece of me. i deserve to be happy. adventures that fill my cup til it runneth over. safe spaces with safe people, allowing the time and space to make mistakes at every caliber. surrounded by love and unconditional support. exploration of my adult self. exploration of who i am.

i deserve happiness.

Okay, Next Chapter.

January going into February is a season I never thought I’d hold so much love for. I used to be one for the whole “new year, new me”. Imagining a chapter closing and a fresh new start. I think with the pandemic still continuing on strong, I often think to myself that there’s really no point to reflect on beginnings, rather enjoy the constant stream of life and appreciate the little moments collectively as they come by. Each fleeting sunset, nights spent laughing with loved ones, the first bite of a delicious meal. All of it is continuous in the stream.

I’m Back, Babes.

Literally two months ago, I wrote about things being unplanned (read: unhinged) and I found some solace in the feeling that I wasn’t alone. Aside from the pandemic, I think for the past two years what I believed to be happiness was actually just a ton of self-doubt and some “fake it til you make it” tag line posted on my forehead. While manageable and actually exactly what I needed to do to get through life and protect myself- I now can see that I really just masked everything with fake happiness.

Fake happiness? Let me explain.

Rental Car Checklist

Now that the pandemic is ~somewhat~ over, let’s talk rental cars for your new and exciting adventures.

Rental cars, oh, rental cars. There’s no better feeling than touching down in a new city and getting to choose your rental car that will be utilized during your trip. However, with the world on lock-down to a certain extent, renting a car may be down the road for some. Are you choosing a snazzy sports car? Or maybe a full-size minivan for your team? Is this trip for leisure? Or are you attending a conference? No matter the car, it’s always exciting to drive a vehicle you have never driven before (and sometimes intimidating).

The Unplanned

I’ve always had a plan, and then a back-up plan for that original plan. Always was onto the next goal, identifying my next dream to accomplish. But what happens when your plans come to a close and all the preparation concludes. The curtain comes down and the audience goes home. When everything you’ve worked for happens and you find yourself struggling to find the next thing. I’d imagine this is what Olympians feel like. When the Olympics are over and everything they worked for is finished in the sequence of a day…what’s next? What do you work towards? I don’t know, but I’m not an Olympian.

Little Cabin in the Woods; A Memoir

I remember getting up early on weekends with my mom and driving up in Blueberry Muffin, aka the blue Honda I named after my Strawberry Shortcake love at age seven. The two and a half hour drive always felt super long, but along the way I had key recognition points. First was in Oakdale; I’d notice the farming equipment and giant barrels from the factory that I always assumed did something with the farmers. Second was the hills, several of them always turning my stomach, this meant we were about 45 minutes away. And finally, the giant tin man, created as a mailbox from a friendly family who owned a tin yard. The tin man meant were were “super close” as my young mind would think.

This travel described would encompass most weekends that I could recall of my childhood, driving up to Twain Harte, California where my grandparents lived. It was a drastically different mountain town when compared to our small suburbia. The air was fresh with pine trees, the dirt was filled with enough minerals that it smelled like clay, and the water tasted natural. It was always a vacation I never really thought about since we went so much. I’d spend a week over the summer, filled with late nights on the deck talking with my grandparents and going across the street and exploring the vacant lot. The little town had notable activities, such as a minigolf course, where of course I made my first hole-in-one that would reward me with a free game at another time. There was a lake up the road that was packed during the summertime with locals and people from far away. Small breakfast and lunch places lined the streets and would come and go with every season.

Twain Harte was the first place I was caught in a lie (learned that the hard way) and the first place where I saw snow for the first time. It was the place where during a hard rain storm I insisted on going to the park and my mom and grandma shrugged and took me. I gladly played on the slippery play structure until I was soaked and wanted to go back home. It is the place where my grandparents built their dream mountain home and hosted us for so many nights in the cute guest bedroom that reminded me of a cottage. I would take many a school friend up there until I eventually took the love of my life to visit. It’s the town that hosted my favorite shop of all shops growing up – the Twain Harte Pharmacy which was really a local catch all store with some flare. Twain Harte is even the place where I wanted finches to land on my arm so bad that I wore a t-shirt and my family covered me in butter to make the birdseed stick. Yes, absolutely weird, but I was determined, okay? Sad to report no finches ever landed on me.

This would be the place where my mom would meet my step father and again start a new beginning for us. It would be the place where I caught my first fish with my step dad and also learned (mostly watched) how to gut a fish. Never would I think I’d miss waking up at 6am to fish, but here I am saying I miss those cold mornings walking along the bank of the man-made river.

Twain Harte is also the place that I haven’t visited for quite sometime, probably because it was always accessible and I never thought it would leave. But ultimately, everyone moves on. It’s still the sleepy town it’s always been, however it’s gotten sleepier with time. More businesses have gone than stayed. More homes have been up for sale. It isn’t the resort town it was in the 90s and that’s okay. It will always be a huge part of me and how I really became who I am today; I will always be grateful for that.

How Kombucha Saved My Quarantine

For my quarantine birthday in March, my partner bought me a kombucha kit. This wasn’t even on my radar, but he always has a knack for picking awesome gifts and this was no exception. I was so shocked and intrigued, but I’ll admit I was equally intimidated and hesitant. I’ve always heard it was so finicky and delicate. So, in true Alicia fashion, I let my SCOBY sit on my counter for weeks because I was nervous to actually do this. DO NOT DO THIS.

I was very lucky, but I almost killed my SCOBY as it was baking on my counter in direct sunlight (sorry, SCOBY). It was during that time that I learned heat is not the best, although SCOBYs are very resilient. Well, I took the plunge and decided, let’s do this since it was probably the very last shot I had before my SCOBY kicked the bucket.

Granted, I had a kit, so I really couldn’t mess it up that much. And in fact, I didn’t mess it up at all! I simply made it and loved it! It was so much better than the store bought ones I had prior, and wasn’t as bitter/vinegary as the ones I’ve had at breweries. I truly shocked myself. After this success, I decided to research a little bit more on what makes kombucha so….good for you.

Kombucha is essentially a fermented tea, which sounds both cool & basic. This fermented tea contains antioxidants and probiotics, which help fight off diseases AND harmful bacteria that’s in your body. Additionally, this drink has been around for almost forever and has been proven to help lower blood pressure and assist in a healthy diet overall. Okay, so is this true or was I just feeling cool because of my hipster juice?

I did an experiment and determined *for me* that kombucha actually did help with my digestion along with fighting off the harmful bacteria in my gut. As many people, I have grown up with a sensitive stomach. Drinking 8 oz of kombucha a day actually helped with my digestion and overall health. I felt more energized when I started my day off with a glass, additionally I also just found myself feeling all the way around better. It probably did more for my mental health during quarantine because I felt passion for a new hobby.

Since my first batch, I have played around with different flavors and even got into bottling my buch. I currently have a SCOBY hotel sitting on my counter and I don’t know what to do with them all…but it’s been a super fun experience overall that I probably wouldn’t have found the time to really do and put my 110% into otherwise.

An Ode to the Trip I Never Took

COVID-19, as everyone knows, has made an extreme impact on everyone’s lives since early 2020. I am so grateful for those who have been following the orders to social distance and wear masks, to hopefully stop this from happening further and continue to wreck more lives.

I wanted to address my previously planned, replanned, and now planned for 2022 trip to Italy, who I hope to see one day.

My 2020 Trip,

This was going to be my year! 2020, how lucky and exciting. I started off the year on a trip around Seattle, Portland, and Vancouver Canada. 2019 had me visit 2 new countries, I was so happy. 2020 would bring going to a place where my ancestors grew, Italy! Growing up Italian, you can imagine the delicious food. It was a place I always knew I was destined to go. So in the fall of 2019 we booked you. Our first trip to Italy. For April 26th through May 6th.

When the pandemic happened, I will admit I was like “iT’s JuSt ThE fLu”. It was not and I definitely shouldn’t have been so naive. However, when March came around I knew it was going to be serious and so we rescheduled to July 2020. Lol. Surely this will be over by then? Of course.

It is now August and the pandemic is still going strong (in the United States). We rebooked you again for 2022 to not take any chances. Despite it being literally two years off, I am so excited. I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for a trip. I can’t wait to see all of your beautiful architecture, eat all the delicious and made with love food, and enjoy the countless beauty Italy has to offer. We might even take a few more days past the trip to live in the moment a little more, make some pasta, have professional photos taken, bask in the glory that is new cultures and kind people.

Until then, Italy, I will miss you and daydream of wearing beautiful outfits while visiting your countryside. I will start to drink wine (which I am not a huge fan of) to prep myself for the wine tasting I’m sure will happen and hopefully have a pallet by then. Maybe I’ll try to make pasta at home so I don’t look like a total newbie when I do it there. Either way, I’m always thinking of you.

All my love,

Alicia